| | I'm so thankful for my Bible study group. I enjoy the fact that I can share so much with them, so even though it's with other people, I can still consider it "private worship", as we discussed today. I'm still very afraid of what I consider to be "public worship" (going to church), but eventually I hope to get there. What could I do, and where would I be, without Karen and Sophia?? :) And of course, my other good friends.
Remember to be specific in your prayers and be specific when you thank God for what you are grateful for. That's one thing I really need to remember.
On the not-so sunny side...
There have been a lot of things I am embarrassed about, embarrassed that I can't let go. In the past I have blamed other people for hurting me, but lately I have shifted a lot of the blame to myself. Who knew that forgiveness could take so long? I wonder if it's not a matter of forgiveness, but acceptance. I guess they go hand in hand in a lot of circumstances. I have not forgiven, and so I cannot accept. The only thing I have accepted is defeat, accepted that certain things can never be changed and there is no chance for it to change in the future, but I have not forgiven myself for past indiscretions, past failures, past ignorance, and misplaced trust. Everything that I have accepted have been things that hurt me in past and present, but I haven't forgiven any of the causes or reasons why they came about. I have not accepted any of the good that has come from these things. Friends and mentors have repeated them to me so many times, Christ has offered me forgiveness so many times, so it is up to me to accept the good, the lessons to be learned (and look at them in a positive light, and not "your lesson is that you were stupid at the time"), accept forgiveness.
It's a lot to take in and think about.
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| | Posted 3/28/2009 8:09 PM - 19 Views - 4 eProps - 2 comments
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